id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
