I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
