someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
