I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
