We won't sleep together?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
