Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize