it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
