i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He did a backflip because drugs
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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