Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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