Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My boob is missing a layer of skin
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
