Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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