i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
