Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Jerry, you need to find god
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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