I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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