You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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