You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize