where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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