Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
