i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
