Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
