everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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