Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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