24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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