last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
