oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Screwed.edu
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
