How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
