It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
