i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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