Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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