he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
