I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
