yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
