if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
