I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
