shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize