threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
