HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
