I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what day is it and did you see me today?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
