do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
