His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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