how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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