My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
