see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
