so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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