mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Houston, we have a squirter
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
