She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
His nipple licking is glorious
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