You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
