You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I will pee on everything he values.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
