her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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