Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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