That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
