evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
