cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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