I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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