I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
