If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
