My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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