You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
