Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
