she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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