Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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