she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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