would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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