He uses pillows to masturbate.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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