things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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